M wasn’t at his scheduled SL7B appearance on Wednesday. He was called away for an “office emergency”. It seems someone had broken into his office and left a shower curtain on the floor…

That’s my theory anyway. M is hired to play office hitman and liquidates 1/3 of the LL staff, then they whack him after he’s done. No loose ends that way. Philip gets to play interim savior and M is the bad guy. Meanwhile,  LL continues to move along the course plotted (supposedly) by M… but that was the plan all along.

Another rumor I heard was they pulled off M’s mask and they saw it was Philip he said, “And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!”

Participants: Itazura Radio, Arri Gaffer, Radar Masukami, Danny Dwyer.

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The title says it all doesn’t it? Okay, maybe not. Well, if you want to find out more you’ll have to listen to the episode. So there.

-The US heath care system sucks

-SL7B starts tomorrow! (*yawn*) I mean… yay.

-Come live on beautiful Corona Cay!

-Past performance is ALWAYS an indication of future performance. That’s how they catch serial killers.

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What they say:

An Update on the Linden Dollar
Posted: 16 Jun 2010 04:11 PM PDT

This morning saw a decrease in the exchange rate of the Linden dollar versus the US dollar. However, Second Life’s key economic indicators remain stronger than the levels we saw in late 2009, though recent weeks have seen some reduction in economic activity compared to the record activity of the first quarter, as well as some uncertainty in the wake of recent corporate anouncements. Linden Lab continues to monitor the exchange rate. Should the average exchange rate change more than 10 percent in any given day, automated circuit breakers will kick in to halt trading for at least one hour.

The first quarter of 2010 saw record economic activity in Second Life. That spike was due in part to the release of the movie Avatar, which drew many new Residents inworld, thus boosting the economy. Recent months have seen economic activity return to levels we saw in the fourth quarter of 2009.

That change, combined with uncertainty related to the corporate restructuring announced last week by Linden Lab, contributed to an imbalance between supply and demand on the LindeX today. Linden Lab remains committed to the Linden dollar as a virtual currency, and to the Second Life economy as one that continues to provide value for Residents, merchants, and landholders large and small.

What they are really saying:

An Update on the Linden Dollar
Posted: 16 Jun 2010 04:11 PM PDT

This morning saw the exchange rate of the Linden dollar shoot up as people panic over our latest hairbrained idea. However, we have been lucky enough to find some stats that we can quote for you to try and make you feel like things aren’t as fucked up as people obviously think they are. Linden Lab continues to watch in fear and intrepidation as residents sell off their L$. Should things get seriously fucked up and the average exchange rate change more than 10 percent in any given day, automated circuit breakers will kick in to halt trading for at least one hour before the panicy selloff can resume.

The first quarter of 2010 saw record economic activity in Second Life. That spike was due in part to the release of the movie Avatar, which we had nothing to do with and was therefore good for drawing many new Residents inworld, thus boosting the economy. Recent months have seen economic activity return to levels we saw in the fourth quarter of 2009 since we didn’t have a decent plan on how to ride that wave of newfound popularity and instead drove them away with a sucky new viewer, lagtastic performance and a search so fucked up it can’t find its ass with both hands.

That change, combined with uncertainty resulting from the wholesale slaughter of a third of our staff announced last week, caused an overall lack in consumer confidence in our company and a resulting massive selloff of L$ on the Lindex. Linden Lab is inextricably tied to the Linden dollar as a virtual currency, and we pray the Second Life economy continues to provide value for Residents, merchants, and landholders large and small because as soon as it stops doing that we are all screwed. And if we are screwed, you are screwed. So stop panicing before we have to restructure all your asses out of a job, dammit (if you get my drift)!

After seeing Stuart’s video of the Linden Memorial on Rouge I decided to make my own only I wanted to add a musical soundtrack. The music is Beth Thornley’s “Everyone Falls”.

http://beththornley.com/

Beth on musicalley.com

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Greetings, ( ‘insert your name here” )

Yesterday was a challenging but historic and important day for Linden Lab. (Major fuck ups usually are!) We undertook a strategic restructuring to strengthen our business and enable us to move faster and with more focus on the things that matter. ( That would preclude you actually had a clue what matters ) While it will have important ramifications down the line for Second Life ( we normal people call them “consequences” ), rest assured that there are no fundamental changes planned to our experience or platform ( the unplanned ones however, will naturally be extreme and sudden, much like this one, but we will feign ignorance and heartbreak over them too… just not responsibility ), and that both the company and the inworld economy remain in a very strong position. ( It’s easy to stay ‘strong’ when you fire all your experienced employees and cut your services as your future looks bleaker and bleaker. It’s like pushing your co-pilot out of the balloon to ‘remain strong’ and gain a few extra feet in the hopes of clearing the approaching power lines. Which is even more impressive when you consider they were the ones who have been scrambling to save your ass even though you’ve been the one pulling the cord for dumping the hot air even since you got there. Oh M, you’re my hero. )

Our decision to restructure the company was based on our feeling ( a feeling? You base major decisions on your feelings now eh? ) that we were moving too slowly on important strategic initiatives ( HA! Speed was never your problem. It was that your initiatives sucked. You keep doing stupid shit like farming your UI design out to a company that had no experience as an actual user. Your solution? … fire all the remaining staff that are actual users! ), so we have decided to consolidate software development in the US and combine our product and technology organizations into one ( Okay, yeah. I guess you can run a company into the ground faster that way if they are consolidated into one quivering mass of people scared shitless wondering when they will be next. They just saw 30% of their friends and colleagues unceremoniously axed. I’m sure they will be inspired by that and work that much harder… on their resumes ) . We have also streamlined customer support so that it can scale economically as we add users. ( WTF? How do you scale support as you ADD users by CUTTING staff? Ohhhh… scale ECONOMICALLY… meaning you fire well paid people who know what they are doing and instead contract a company that will hire 3 or 4 people for the same price who can’t find their ass with both hands but can read a script. Uhhuh. Okay. Yeah. ) These decisions resulted in significant job eliminations ( Oh course it did. That was the point! You wanted to screw 30% of your employees to make yourself “stronger” and “streamlined”!!! ) and this tends to be what press and bloggers focus on because of the human dimension ( When are you going to learn? SL is all ABOUT the human dimension. It’s about connecting the human dimension through technology in ways they haven’t before. When you make it all about profitability and growing your user base to the point to forget that then you kill the very thing that would have grown your user base and increased your profitability). It is indeed difficult for us to see our colleagues leaving. ( But obviously not difficult enough to choose not blindside them and throw them under the bus anyway, right? )

I am writing to you directly ( in a bulk mass email to everyone… Ooooo so personal) because I want you to know that Second Life – and Linden Lab itself – is in very good shape. ( BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!! “No, no… I can walk…” said the man who cut off his legs to spite his ass ) As a company, Linden Lab remains financially very stable. ( although morally bankrupt ) Our balance sheet is strong and we are well-capitalized ( which is all that matters, right? ) . We will close this year with record revenue ( because we eliminated so many well paying jobs ) and hopefully record users ( don’t bet on it ), and – with your help – record user-to-user transactions and record landmass ( does selling off all my L$ and cashing out count as a user-to-user transaction? ). In May, we recorded more than 1 million logged-in Residents, 37 million user hours, US$52.8 million in user-to-user transactions and 31,800 enabled regions. Second Life is sound. ( Yes, and deep sea oil exploration is completely 100% environmentally safe. )

As a platform for the world’s most robust virtual economy ( for now, until something better comes along ), Second Life remains as vibrant and healthy as ever ( gigglesnort ). By bringing new people to Second Life ( while we hemorrhage the old ones who actually build everything that attracts and keeps them here ), and by increasing the ways in which people can interact with the world ( with an iPad app that will probably be as wonderfully unpopular as V2.0? HAHAHA!!!) and with the people, places, and things within it, we are paving the way for more growth ( Gee, I don’t know how much more of this ‘growth’ we can take ). We remain committed to supporting and improving the SL Marketplace, to pushing forward on IP protection ( How? Let me guess. You going to fire everyone responding to DMCA notices and farm that out to minimum wage know-nothing lackeys too. ), and to growing the number of Residents that participate in the inworld economy.

It is during times like this that partnerships are tested ( and ethical failings exposed ) and I – as CEO – want you to know that we value our partnership with you ( Did you use that same line on your employees before you canned them? I’ll bet a L$ you did. ) and that Second Life and Linden Lab are solid. This kind of transition is difficult for any company, but it need not be difficult for our customers ( How the fuck would you know? You killed off the Lindens that actually KNEW what it was like to BE a customer because they were the ones we knew who ACTUALLY USED YOUR PRODUCT ). Our restructuring leaves Linden Lab in a stronger position ( Kinda like how if you leave Poppy and Grandma out in the woods to fend for themselves the rest of the family is in a ‘stronger position’); Second Life remains the creative and inspiring platform it always has been. ( I don’t expect that to last long now that Linden Lab has proved it is no longer the creative and inspiring company it once had been. )

Best regards,

M Linden ( Are you done with your damage control PR letter now? I’m almost finished downloading Blue Mars.)